I will feel. All of it.
I just want to feel, without guilt.
I want to jump up and down when I see something beautiful, without ties around my feet.
I want to love, without fear.
I want to be loved, without pain.
I want to care, without boundaries.
I want to reach for goals far off, without being stopped.
I want to strive for growth and change, without all the chains.
I want to feel emotions, I want to cry in prayer, at a movie, at a song, at a sunset, without being hushed.
I want to be me, without the box that I’ve allowed myself to be placed in.
Let me love, let me care, let me be the amazing, passionate, full of life woman that God created me to be.
I always struggle with balancing who the ‘world’ says I should be, and who I feel I am deep in my soul. Why is it so complicated? Why have I held myself back all these years, believed all of the lies about myself, why do I cave in and agree that the way I am isn’t okay, that I shouldn’t love so hard, that I shouldn’t care so much, that I shouldn’t feel so deep?
I want to let it all go. I picture myself on the top of a mountain throwing the self the world wants me to be, over the edge. Throwing my arms up in the air and finally breathing in deep who I am.
It is time. It is time to be me.
No more waiting, no more.
Here I am world. I am a woman of God, I cry hard, and I play harder, so full of love and life, and passion, and curiosity. I feel things deeply, I love even deeper. I am a curious explorer, always seeking. I have a big heart, a deep mind and I am a child of an incredible Creator. I will embrace my being. I will move forward in life with greatness, and with the boldness that He has instilled in me, and … I will feel. I will feel all of it.
- Kelly Whitman
September 11, 2016